Thursday, April 2, 2015

Our Journey to Parenthood: Part 8

The other day Gordon and I were driving around running errands together. And in that moment I realized that I hadn't checked in with him for quite a while now. It's the nature of the game. You just put one foot in front of the other and power through.

But as we approach IVF, I knew that I needed to ask. How was he feeling about all of this infertility stuff? Was he ready for hormonal aka crazy Lisa? Was he prepared for our next steps? Did he even want to go through with it all considering the costs (nothing is covered by our insurance), the odds (a 60% chance of success), and the stress it will surely put on our marriage?

Along this journey Gordon has been the one who has still carried hope when I lose all of mine. He has been the one who still sees the good, when all I see is frustration, anxiety and sadness.

I sometimes wonder if he resents me for this. I know that's a silly thought - we meant our vows - for better or worse, in sickness and in health. But there are moments where I want so much for him to be a daddy, that I wish he had fallen in love, married and walked this life beside a woman who wasn't "broken". Someone that could give him the family I know he wants and deserves. (Don't worry, I get that this thought is absolutely ridiculous, but I DO think it, too often not to mention.)

So back to our car ride. I asked him all of those questions and his response?

"Lisa, you are enough. If this doesn't work, if we can't continue, you are enough for me - we are enough."

And in that instant, my heart was full. While we continue to hope that we'll be able to expand our family, if it's not in God's plan, we are enough. We will walk through this life together, hand in hand, with probably a dozen dogs behind us, but we will love this life we've been given with each other.

His words gave me the peace I've been longing for. How lucky and blessed am I to be loved by him...

Saturday, January 10, 2015

Our Journey to Parenthood: Part 7

When I look at this picture, I smile.

10 days into the New Year, I think back to when this photo was taken in October 2014. This moment in time. That weekend that we found out we were finally pregnant.

It was so funny how quickly G and I were making plans again. Glorious happy plans.  Plans for our future family of three. We were overjoyed.

And then as quickly as the plans came, they ended. A phone call from the doctor that told us something was wrong. More blood work and more monitoring and finally the realization that the life we had made, would soon end.

The grief was palpable and hung over everything we did. We tried to distract ourselves with adventures and exploring, but in the quiet moments, the crying resumed and felt like it would never end.

But, it did. We survived.

And because of that, I look back at 2014 with a grateful heart. More than anything, it was the year we confirmed without question that we are ready to become parents.

May 2015 continue to bless us as we move forward on our journey to parenthood.

Monday, December 29, 2014

Landon Love - Look Who Turned One!

Landon is officially one! We traveled to Rochester for Christmas and to celebrate his first birthday. Here are some photos from the trip :) I love my little Buggie, so very much...

Monday, December 15, 2014

Long Overdue Landon Love

Even though I've taken a much needed hiatus from the blog-o-sphere, that doesn't mean my "Buggie" hasn't continued to grow. In fact, Landon will turn ONE a week from today!!!

Where has the year gone? I remember when he was born and how itty bitty he was. And now, check out my most amazing nephew!

I can't wait to get home and celebrate his birthday and his first real Christmas (not in the NICU).

Your Uncle G and Aunt Lisa are coming for you little man - prepare yours-ELF (yes, I like lame jokes).

Thursday, August 28, 2014

Landon Love

Someone turned 8 months last week and luckily Gordon and I were home visiting to witness the momentous occasion! I love my little buggie :)

Landon is sitting up now, has cut two teeth and is rolling over in his crib. He's tackling solid food like a champ and his diapers show it - gag. His preferred toy is Sophie and he loves to fly through the air. He's seriously so entranced with his Uncle G and his favorite person in the whole wide world is his mommy, and rightfully so.

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Landon Love

Landon turned 7 months old last week. I can't believe we are over the half way point on his first year of life.

While I was home visiting, I got in lots of love and snuggle time. And because Megan was super sick, I even got a taste of what it would be like to be a mommy - hard and awesome at the same time.

Landon is so close to sitting up and rolling over. He grabs for things and holds on tight. He giggles and smiles and will loudly tell you when he's hungry. He's eating rice cereal and bananas (squash, carrots, oatmeal and avocado coming soon). He's such a good and happy baby and we are so blessed to have him as part of our family.

Photo time :)

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Landon Love - 6 Months!

Has it really been half a year?!

Yes - Landon turned 6 months old on June 22nd (I'm late on this post, as usual). He is the apple of my sister's eye and the center of attention wherever he goes. I mean c'mon, with a face and smile like that, how could he not be?!

According to Megan, Landon is almost rolling over and about to embark on the feeding adventure of rice cereal. He even giggles now :)

Buggie, I can't wait to see you, and snuggle with you, and play with you in a little less than three weeks. Aunt Lisa (and Uncle G) is coming - get ready for some FUN!